I am going to start this again. I think. I need to write again.

my heart hasn't been so happy in weeks

this video is just beautiful. it makes me smile so very much

cat stevens - two fine people

Now that I've passed your test
How can I prove to you baby I'll never let you down
If I led you around, I'm sorry
But I never meant to worry you.... no
Now that I've kissed your breast
How can I prove to you baby I'll never make you sad
If I ever had, do believe your tears won't come back again

I love you,
though the stars may fade and mountains turn into sand.
I love you
'Til my body changes into an old man.
I love you
And the song that I sing is the only way that I can explain
La la la la la la

You know i wish for you baby nothing but good times ahead
Anything that heaven can give you,
I can give you instead
La la la la la la
How could I lie to you baby, I'll never lead you around
I'll take care of everything you need, darling
Every little need'll be found.

I love you,
though the time may change and snowmen sleep in the sea
And I really only want you to want me.
I love you
And the song that I sing is the only way that i can explain

Now that you've shown your heart
I'll be right with you baby, I'll never leave you alone
Anywhere you want me to be honey, I'll be there to have and to hold
And now that the clouds roll back, hold on to me baby
We're going never to land, flying on the power of love
Flying on the power of love.

I love you
Though time may fade and mountains turn into sand
I love you,
'til the very same come back to the land
I love you
and the song that I sing is the only way that I can explain

Two fine people should love each other
Two fine people should help each other

movies

Across the street from my apartment complex is a movie theatre where I saw a movie this afternoon for $5. This seems reasonable to me. It was a matinee showing, the regular showings cost $7. Of course, most of the movies out right now are shit anyways, but I went to go participate in an traditional social even with my sister and her boyfriend and her room mate. I love them and try to show up in my sister's life as much as possible. We we were waiting for her roommate to show up, we were discussing the prices of movie tickets at home.
9.74? 12.75? Something along those lines. Liz seemed to think it was cheaper, but David pointed out it had been a while since she had paid for a movie ticket. Touche. But it brought into striking light the fact that since the time we were all old enough to start going to the movies, prices have doubled, quadrupled it seems like. I'm sure grown ups feel like this about stuff all the time, but it was a weird feeling. I honestly can't morally justify going to the movies anywhere but my pet, cheap theater across the street. But even since I was a little kid, I couldn't bear to buy popcorn in the theatres. That's crazy expensive. Sneaking in candy will do just fine, thank you.
I defiantly shouldn't be having adult kind of thoughts.

do you remember

One of the first blogs I posted was about the curly haired boy who brought sunshine into chapel for me. This boy has been oddly off mic all semester. I've heard him sing before, I know it would make the music so much better. But the image of chapel, of most worship bands, is pretty preset. I mean, there can be variations. Sometimes there are different kinds or combinations of drums. Sometimes there are several non instrument playing vocalists, sometimes only one, sometimes none. Usually the non instrument playing vocalist role is where women or girls find a place in the worship scene. But the one, almost unchanging factor is the worship leader. Which is a funny title, if you ask me. Don't worry though - no one asks me.
Anyways, so this worship leader is always the primary vocalist, playing guitar (usually acoustic) and, 99% of the time, is male. If this individual isn't male, be suspicious. Some fishy liberal agenda is at work.
Well, in our chapel, the worship leader is this wholesome, innocent looking Christian boy. Not that there's anything wrong with him looking innocent and wholesome; the self-absorbed man-whore from last year was creepy. Anyways, this year's boy is cute, and definitely says good little in between song transitions or prayers. Good in the sense that they are cliche-filled and bible verse-esque enough to qualify as church approved, and awkward enough to qualify as spontaneous and spiritual. I digress.
This worship leader boy always is the primary vocal, and then there is a panel of backup vocalists. All very lovely. But sunshine boy never gets a mic, and I always wish he would. Of course I also someimtes wish everyone else on stage would just disappear, or imagine if he were on mic we would magically not be singing cheesy worship songs. But that's just me over reacting. Ignore that.
Well, last week in chapel, curly sunshine boy was on mic. He was coming in and out with his vocals, bringing satiating harmony to the songs. His voice is beautiful, his performance unpolished. Just enough to make me smile.

music from high school

First of all today was the miracle of all miracles. I forgot that my morning class was canceled, and then I remembered, which was a pleasant surprise. As I happily trotted off to get in extra hour and a half of homework, I ran into a friend who informed me that our afternoons class was canceled. Upon checking my email I found that she was right. All my classes for the day = gone. delightful.

OK, so delight number two. Listening to music from my high school days. Pop punk was perfect for inciting both defiance and dancing. Embarassing fact? Good Charlotte still does it for me. Who doesn't like boys with eyeliner dissing rich celebs and rejecting authority?



Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
only see it on tv
read it in the magazines
celebrities that want sympathy

all they do is piss and moan
inside the rolling stone
talking about how hard life can be

Id like to see them spend the week
livin life out on the street
I dont think they would survive

but they could spend a day or two
walking in someone elses shoes
I think they'd stumble and they'd fall
they would fall
Fall

Lifestlyes of the rich and the famous
theyre always complainin
always complainin
if money is such a problem
well they got mansions
think we should rob them

well did you know when your famous you could kill your wife
and theres no such thing as 25 to life
as long as you got the cash to pay for cochran

and did you know if you were cought and you were smokin crack
and McDonald's wouldnt even wanna take you back
you could always just run for mayor of D.C.


So good, right? And "The Anthem," even better. It makes me happy because it reminds me of all the good times I had in high school with certain friends, and because I will never grow out of punk music. What other music's only purpose of existing is to say, in an almost endearingly wholesome way, "you want me to do what? you see me how? screw that. i'm out." Of course the album is heavily laced with emo music about how rough it is to be a teenager, but I probably will never grow out of that stuff either.


anthem

It's a new day, but it all feels old
It's a good life, that's what I'm told
But everything, it all just feels the same
At my high school, it felt more to me like a jail cell, a penitentiary
My time spent there it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you
I don't wanna do the things you do
I'm never gonna hear the words you say
and I don't ever wanna.
I don't ever wanna be.you.
don't wanna be just like you
What I'm saying is this is the anthem
throw all your hands up
you.don't wanna be you

Go to college, a university, get a real job
That's what they said to me
But I could never live the way they want
I'm gonna get by and just do my time
Out of step while they all get in line
I'm just a minor threat, so pay no mind

Do you really want to be like them,
Do you really wanna be another trend,
Do you wanna be part of that crowd
cause I don't ever wanna.
I don't ever want to be you.
don't wanna be just like you
what I'm saying is.this is the anthem
throw all your hands up.you.
don't wanna be you.

Another loser anthem, whoa . . .

my election experience

My stomach was churning all day Tuesday.

All day.

I had voted absentee, so I was jealous of everyone's "I Voted" stickers in a goofy and nerdy way. Everyone was really excited. Voting is an event we all participate in together. The mood Tuesday was reflective of this, as well as the significance of the decision that was ahead. I called my mom, who was making our traditional tri-layered jello desert from a United States shaped mold. We have radically different political views, but we chatted excitedly to each other about the upcoming election, the festivities surrounding, and my frazzled nerves.

After an anxious day of classes and work, I finally made it to my friend's apartment where several of us could watch the results come in together. It's important to be with people who are rooting for the same team as you. There's a lot of talk about just getting out there and voting, no matter who you vote for. Which is important. But when the results come in, being around fellow aficionados is delightful. So we watched the results, getting more excited as more results came in for Obama.

As we made conversation (and it's funny how much people of the same political views love to talk with each other; it makes sense, but it's humorous how we constantly feel the need to affirm all aspects of our homogeneous beliefs), someone was noticed the announcer's voice say " . . . it has been officially predicted . . . ". "Woah, wait, what did he say?" Shhhh, shush, listen, what did he say? Wait, is this is? Yup, he did it. This is it! Obama won, it official. Oh my god. Oh shoot!!

We all stared at the TV in disbelief and ecstasy. As we kept ridiculously asking each other if he really did it, the celebration built to a crescendo in our tiny little apartment. Watching the TV, seeing the faces of so many celebrations, hearing the voices of so many Americans, everyone's heart was in their throat.

"Wait a minute, you guys. I think . . . I'm kind of . . . proud to be an American right now. What is this feeling? This is weird, I don't know how to deal with this."

Mary's confusion resonated with us all.

Listening to the speeches really did us in. The 44th President elect, a black man, was speaking with calming sobriety. He was telling us that now the work can begin, now the change can come, only if we fight for it together. Yes we can. We were all sobbing and cheering and shushing.

They talk about hope. For the last several weeks I didn't know what they hell they were talking about. And the following morning, when I found out that the majority of California chose to constitutionalize discrimination, I lost sight of hope. When I heard about all the hatred and racism that ensued on my campus, I lost sight of hope. But in our little apartment, that night, there was hope. And pride.

Change had come. Hopefully more will follow.